Pain's Devastation
by christinemarie13
Summary: Bella is pulled from her numbness and can't take it. How will Jasper and Alice repair the devastation that is being caused? Will they be able to save her from herself?
1. Numbness

**I do not own Twilight or any of the characters associated with Twilight. All rights belong to Stephenie Meyer.**

**This story has been finished and edited. So if you've read it previously, I'd suggest reading it again to see the more updated and changed version. There has also been a few scenes added to the original story throughout.**

I heard nothing. Words spoken to me were droning that I blocked out. Soon the sounds around me had faded to a dull buzz.

I saw nothing. I did without looking. I didn't focus on anything and what I did try to focus on was a blur.

I felt nothing. Numbness had taken over my body and the days seemed a blur. My movements were mindless actions that were part of a daily routine.


	2. Broken Reverie

Then one day I dropped one of Charlie's coffee mugs while I was washing dishes. As I bent down to pick up the pieces, one of the shards of glass cut my finger. It sent a jolt of pain through me. It was the first thing I had felt in months. It seemed to pull me out of my extended reverie.

All of a sudden, pain I didn't know existed crashed into my chest. I fell to the floor and curled into a ball in an attempt to keep from falling apart. I couldn't draw in a breath. My head began to swim and I wondered if I would pass out. I'm sure my lightheadedness would have overcome me if it hadn't been for the excruciating pain.

My breaths came in pants and the air that did make it into my lungs burned. Every fiber of my being could feel the pain from my chest. It seemed to radiate out and I wondered if I was the only one who could feel it. Surely pain of this magnitude couldn't be reserved to just my body.

I became aware of a sound. I couldn't place it. My brain had clouded from all the pain. As I tried to focus on it I recognized it as sounding like screaming. I wondered who it could be. Maybe my pain was being felt by someone else.

I began to feel my throat become raw. I couldn't imagine why. I hadn't spoken today. I hadn't spoken in weeks. Then a realization hit me.

I was the one screaming.

Once my mind had identified that I was the source I tried to cut the screams off. As much as I tried I couldn't seem to curb them. It was as if my pain was so great that my body needed a way to release what it wasn't capable of bearing. I knew that if I didn't control it that when Charlie arrived he would panic. I couldn't let that happen.

Slowly I was able to clamp my hands over my mouth. That only thing that could escape was the continuous whimpering. I wanted to stop even that, but my body was too spent to put much effort towards it.

I lay there for what seemed like hours, but must have only been minutes. The light from the window had only slightly darkened and I knew that the rest of the time would need to be spent wisely. I had to get up to my bedroom. If Charlie saw me lying here there was no way he wouldn't end up sending me to Renee.

I began to move my fingers. Luckily I was able to keep my mouth clamped without the help of my hands. I used my hands to pull myself into a sitting position. The pain was so unbearable that I didn't know if I had the strength to make it across the room, let alone upstairs.

I made myself think of only making it a few feet at a time. On my hands and knees I was able to make it to the foot of the stairs. I looked up and the top seemed to be miles away. How would I ever make it? I forced myself not to think of it. Instead I pulled myself up onto the first step. It seemed like all of my energy had gone into that one step. I somehow pulled myself up to the second step. The the third step. Then the fourth...fifth...sixth. All the way to the top.

At the top I was panting and my muscles were screaming at me. I dragged myself into my bedroom and managed to kick the closed. I didn't bother trying to make it to the bed. My energy had been depleted and I finally lost consciousness.

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	3. Wasted Energy

"Bella? Bella! Wake up, please Bella!"

I began to regain awareness of my surroundings and a familiar scent began to assail me. It smelled like Edward. I didn't know that his scent still clung to my room. I could feel a flash of pain shoot through my body and I cried out. My body must have adapted to the constant throbbing because it seemed as if it was more manageable. It wasn't as if it had lessened, but as if I had cordoned off the rest of my body and it was now localized in my chest.

"Bella? Bella, answer me."

Charlie? Oh no, I must look like a complete loon curled up in a little ball in the middle of my room. I hope he doesn't try to send me to Renee again. I don't think I could managed a tantrum again. Even if I could, I'd rather not subject myself to the embarrassment of resorting to that.

I slowly pried my eyes open and straightened myself. My strength seemed to have returned somewhat. I pulled myself into a sitting position and tried to focus on Charlie's face. It took a few minutes, but finally my vision cleared. Charlie's face had panic written all over it. The thing that had put so much work into preventing had happened anyway. I put myself through such pain for nothing.

"Bella are you okay?" Charlie said in a trembling voice.

Am I okay? Hah! If I had the power I would have laughed. I don't think I'll ever be okay again. Not after He left. But I wouldn't let Charlie know that.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just cut myself on a mug earlier and the blood completely messed me up. You know how bad I am with the stuff. The shards are still down there so be careful when you go in the kitchen. Sorry, Dad," I said in a scratchy voice.

I couldn't be positive whether my voice sounded so rough because of its disuse or the screaming that it had endured. Probably the screaming.

He seemed reluctant to believe me, but didn't push the issue. I was very glad for that. I had barely been able to get the first excuse pushed passed my numb lips. I didn't have the energy to make up a good lie and even if I could I didn't want to lie to Charlie. He helped me stand up, and before he turned out the door to leave I saw a flash of pain flit across his features. Poor Charlie, I wish I didn't have to put him through all of this.

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	4. The Solution

I sat on my bed trying to keep the tears at bay. The pain spasmed through me in irregular intervals. Each time the pain flared it seemed to be worse that the last. And each time I wished that could just die.

What was life worth if I had no respite from this misery?

Then ideas began to flash through my mind. Ideas of ending everything. Could I do it? Should I do it? What about Charlie and Renee? These questions and so many more swirled through my mind. Only one question gave me pause.

What would Edward think?

Thinking his name sent another pulse of pain through my body that I tried to steel myself for. Would he be upset? I promised him that I wouldn't do anything reckless or stupid, but he wasn't here. He didn't know that pain that I was facing. He didn't understand that my death was inevitable; that if I continued like this, it would only be slower and more painful. I couldn't bear to face that kind of death.

So I decided that this was the end.

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	5. Execution

I knew that had to plan this carefully. I didn't want anyone to prematurely find out, and I didn't want it to be too painful for anyone else. So I researched ways that I could painlessly end my life. I didn't want there to be a big mess, so slitting my wrists was out of the question. I also knew that if I went that route I wouldn't be able to follow through with it, the blood would be an issue too. I needed something that once it was done, that was it. The the answer came: pills.

I could end my pain and I would just fall off to sleep. Clean and painless. For me and everyone else. This was my answer.

I knew that we didn't have anything that would do the job in the house, so I prepared myself for a trip to the store. I didn't know how I would make it, but I knew that it had to be done.

I dressed slowly and made my way downstairs. I managed to keep the pain from flaring to unbearable levels and slowly climbed into my truck. Luckily Charlie had decided to go fishing early this morning. I could tell that he didn't want to leave me alone, but I insisted that he got. If he didn't I wouldn't be able to accomplish my goal.

As I pulled in front of the general store, I noticed that there were very few people around. Good. There less people here, the less suspicious they would be. I made my way to the medicines and began to grab the ones I thought would work best. I paid for my selections and went home.

I took all the medicines up to my room and laid them out on my desk. I opened all of the bottles and arranged them in the order that I would need the. Next I grabbed the glass from my bedside table and filled it in the bathroom sink. Just as I was about to take the pills from the first bottle I realized that I hadn't written a note. I should at least make sure Charlie and Renee knew that this wasn't their fault.

Once I had located a pen and paper I wrote them a quick note telling them how much I loved them and that they shouldn't blame themselves. I told them that it was inevitable and no matter how hard they tried, it would have happened. I finished with telling them that I was sorry for all the pain I had caused and said once again how much I loved them.

I put the note where it would be easily found and went back to my task. I decided to take the sleeping pills first. I just wanted to fall asleep and not wake up. After taking a handful of them I sat and waited for them to start taking effect. It didn't take long to begin feeling sleepy, so I got up and started on the other pills. In no time I had swallowed them all and a feeling of calm started to wash over me. This was it. These breaths would be my last.

I looked around the room and spotted the window. I walked to it and pushed it open. I knew he wouldn't be climbing through it, now or ever again. The pain that came with that realization was staggering and forced me to cling to the windowsill. I would miss him. I knew that even as I began to fade, my last words would be his name.

"I love you Edward," I whispered.

Those whispered words were enough to rip open the hole in my chest. It seemed as if the pain I had already experienced was only a tenth of what was assaulting my body now. I began to scream and knew that these couldn't be silenced. My body was releasing the remainder of my energy through these tormented cries; letting the world know the pain I was experiencing and that my life was slowly ending.

The weariness was beginning to take more firm of a hold and I sank to my knees. But still, the screams continued and still my pain pulsed. I tried to grasp the sleep that I knew was dancing on the edge of my pain, but it wouldn't come. I didn't know if the pills would take me before this tormenting pain did. It didn't seem as if my body could handle much more.

Then the sleep came. The pain began to decrease to a dull throb. For this I was the most grateful. I had wondered if I would have a respite from the pain before I slipped away. I began to feel as if I was floating and let out a sigh of contentment. This was it. I was finally free I thought as my eyes slipped closed.

Then, on the edge of my consciousness, I heard someone calling my name. Charlie? No, it wasn't a man's voice. It almost sounded like...no, it couldn't be. Why was she here? Then it hit me, she was here to save me. I didn't have time to worry about what would happen if she did, because I was being pulled deeper into unconsciousness.

"Alice," I managed to whisper before falling off completely.

**A.N. Lots of hits and only 2 reviews (both by the same person, thanks gaap237!) add to me being disappointed. Please review! :)**


	6. Stayed Execution

I heard a beeping sound. I pried my eyes open only to close them against the bright light coming in through the windows. I couldn't figure out where I was and then it hit me, the hospital. No! Alice made it in time. Too much time. I couldn't believe that she didn't let me go. This was the worst thing that could have happened.

Then the pain reemerged. The agonizing pain that I thought I had escaped from returned with a vengeance and stole my breath. No. This couldn't be happening. No, no, no, no...

"No, no, no, no, no," I repeated over and over as my silent pleas became audible.

I curled myself into a ball and tried to keep myself from falling apart. What was I going to do? I would never have a chance like the one that had fallen through my fingers. I can't live with this pain. It's too much. I can't. I slowly began to rock back and forth. What am I going to do?

I heard a sound at the door and forced myself to raise my head. What I saw left me speechless.

"Carlisle?" came my raspy voice.

"Bella. How are you feeling?" His voice wasn't the usual doctor tone he had while in the hospital, instead it was filled with concern and pain and...love.

My chest erupted once again and I barely contained the cries that wanted to escape. Tears began to cloud my eyes and I was unable to hold them back. I buried my face in my knees and tried to block the pain. I could sense Carlisle had come around to the side of my bed and felt the bed dip against his weight. He gathered me in his arms and tried to sooth me.

It was all too much and sobs broke from me. I don't know how long we sat there with me sobbing and Carlisle trying to sooth me, but eventually Carlisle released me and injected something into my IV.

"Bella I'm giving you something to help you sleep. I'll be here when you wake up. Now try to relax."

I wanted to do as he said, but the pain rippling through my body kept me tense. Slowly I began to fade into sleep. I was glad to have at least a short reprieve from this anguish. If only this time I wouldn't wake up.

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	7. Stupid Question

**This is more of a filler than anything. Thanks to 60sVegVamp for the reviews.**

I was once again awoken by beeping from my heart monitor. This time I was prepared for the pain and was able to keep from crying out. Though the pain was still as bad as ever, it seemed that my mind had cleared significantly. But with the clarity came no solutions. I was still at a loss for what to do as ever.

I began to shake as a feeling of hopelessness began to take over my body. It increased the pain and I didn't know how I was going to keep from screaming. Then all of a sudden a calm spread through my body. Not enough to take away the pain, but enough to help get a hold on myself. The realization hit me as I figured out the reason for the lessening of my pain: Jasper. I turned in my bed and was met by a pair of golden eyes, though not the ones I had expected.

"Alice?" came my trembling voice. And then tears filled my eyes and I began to sob. I was so happy to see her. Her presence seemed to quell the remaining pain somewhat. The I remembered what she had done. How she had destroyed my one chance to free myself from my depression. Anger started to make itself known. It started to brim over and I couldn't hold back the flow of words.

"Why!? Alice how could you do this to me? Why couldn't you just leave me alone? I can't take this. What am I going to do? You stole my chance to be free. I can't take this anymore. Don't you understand!? Why? Why!? WHY!?"The pain came back full force. I couldn't prevent the scream from ripping from my lips. I curled back into myself and gripped my hair as I fought to control the pain. It was as if I had started all over again and I couldn't handle the onslaught of emotions flowing through me.

All this time Alice had remained silent and I looked up to see why. There was so much hurt etched into her face and anger darkened her eyes. She looked into my eyes and before I could blink she had dashed out of the room. It surprised me because I can't ever remember being around Alice when she hadn't had something to say.

Only seconds after her departure Carlisle made his way into the room. As his eyes locked onto me sorrow filled the depths. Now not only was I in pain, but I was causing pain in the people around me. I was a monster. They loved me and this is what I put them through. I wish Alice had let me die, because then people would mourn me and move on. They wouldn't have to be ensconced by my ever-present hurting.

I broke eye-contact with Carlisle and forced the pain to the back of my mind. I could do this. This pain would not keep my incapacitated. I needed my head to clear so that I could figure out a solution to this disaster. I knew everyone would try to stop me. I couldn't plan yet. It had to be something quick. If Alice found out she would stop me again. I started to go through scenarios in my head only to be cut off by Carlisle's voice.

"Bella, how are you feeling?"

I gave him a blank stare.

"Stupid question, sorry." He gave a nervous chuckle and came to sit in the chair by my bed. I saw pain, hurt, and uncertainty flash through his eyes.

"Bella, I want to help you, but I don't know what to do, what to say. I just wish I knew how to help."

"You can't," my voice broke as I said it and I struggled to stay in control.

Pain flashed through his eyes, but his face remained a cool mask.

"Bella, tell me what you're feeling. Tell me why you did this."

"You know why. It hurts too much to keep living. Why couldn't Alice just leave me alone? I can't take it Carlisle. It's too much. It's too much. I want to die. I just want this pain to stop. Why can't you understand? Please just leave me alone. Please. I just want to die! I just-,"

My chest began to tighten and I couldn't draw a breath. My throat felt like it had closed up and I started to claw at it. Immediately Carlisle grabbed my hands to keep me from hurting myself.

"Bella! Calm down. Look into my eyes. You're okay. Everything is okay. Breathe. Come on Bella, breathe. Breath!"

I couldn't do what Carlisle was telling me. I had no control. I began to feel lightheaded and was panicking. There was nothing I could do. I felt so helpless. Carlisle was still yelling at me, but I couldn't hear it. My vision was beginning to fade and with it my pain. It was a relief, but I knew that soon I would be right back where I started. The pain would come back as strong as ever and I couldn't do anything to stop it. Well, there was something I could do, but I had already failed once. Would I ever be free from this pain?

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	8. Series of Visions

**Thanks so much for the reviews, especially Lost and Never Found's unique one. I'm definitely going to be using that saying now. :), and keep them coming.**

**APOV**

Four Days Previous

I was sitting in my bedroom. I missed Bella terribly. I know we promised Edward we would leave her alone, but he was being unfair. I didn't agree with this decision and he didn't see the visions I was having of her. I tried to block them, but they pushed their way through. She looked so miserable. It wasn't right for her to be so unhappy. Edward thought that she would get over him given time, but the look in her eyes told the truth.

I decided I would go talk to Jazz. He would help talk me down. I knew that if I went to see her, then she would be worse off. I didn't want to make her worse. I wanted her better. Just as I was about to walk into our room a vision hit me.

Bella cut her finger and then collapsed to the floor. Her face was twisted with pain and then she began screaming. It was a bloodcurdling scream that spoke of unbearable pain. She clamped her hands over her mouth but continued to whimper. The pain seemed almost tangible. She began to pull herself across the kitchen floor and slowly up the stairs. She looked to be in more pain than I've ever seen in my long life. Finally she made it into her room and fell unconscious.

With the vision over, my eyesight cleared so that I could see Jasper. He looked so worried and sad. I immediately broke into tearless sobs and cursed Edward for what he'd done. This was his fault. He put her in this pain and now he expected us to just sit by and watch.

"Shh, Alice, it's okay."

I could feel a calm come over my body and was thankful to Jasper for helping me pull myself together.

"Jazz, it's so bad. Her pain. She looked like she was dying. It was one of the worst things I've ever seen. I can't believe he did that to her."

I didn't have to say who. She seemed to be on everyone's minds. It wasn't just Edward that loved her, we all had. Even Rosalie. She may have been against her becoming one of us, but only because of her lost dreams. She saw how much brighter our lives were with Bella around.

Jazz and I decided to go hunting; something to pass the time. We both drained a few deer, but we had just hunted a few days earlier and weren't into it. We decided to just pack it in and head home. We were only a few minutes from the house when a series of visions hit.

Bella was cutting her wrists.

Bella jumped off of a cliff and drowned.

Bella shot herself in the head.

Bella took a handful of pills.

I had just seen my best friend die several times. This time I knew that we would have to go to Bella. I couldn't let her do this. We had to move fast. I didn't know how long she would wait. From the pain she seemed to be in, it probably wouldn't be long.

"We have to go to Bella. Now. She's going to kill herself. We have to stop her."

I was able to keep from breaking down with the help of Jasper and we made a mad dash for the house. I didn't bother with packing, there wasn't time. Luckily we were only in Denali and didn't have too far to drive. I just hoped we would be able to make it in time.

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	9. Mad Dash

**APOV**

"Carlisle, you need to get to Forks as fast as you can. Bella's in trouble."

I tried to convey the seriousness of the situation, but he didn't get it.

"Alice, you know we can't go there. Edward made us promise. I'm sure whoever he doctor is will be able to handle it. She hurts herself all the time, she doesn't need me there."

His voice sounded monotone and weary. He was hurting as much as us, more so because of what this was doing to Esme.

"No, you don't understand. She's trying to kill herself. I don't know if we'll make it in time. You have to hurry."

"I'll be there as fast as I can."

Jazz and I were only a few hours from Denali an I already knew that if we remained in the car, it would take too long.

"We're not going to make it. Jazz we have to run. That's the only way we'll be able to make it in time. We have to make it in time."

He sent me another wave of calm to keep me from breaking down. We parked the car in the driveway of an abandoned house and started towards Forks. Running let us go faster than the cars would allow and our path would be straight; through the forests that forced the road to curve. Our path was clear of everything but a few stray towns here and there.

Soon we arrived outside of Forks. I had been having visions throughout the whole journey and had been trying to stay on course. She had decided on the pills, which gave us some extra time. She had also decided last minute to write a note and that is probably what helped us more than anything when it came to the time race.

Now we were only a few miles from her house and Jasper suddenly collapsed on the ground and cried out. I whirled and tried to help him. I couldn't figure out what was wrong with him.

"Jazz, what is it? Talk to me, come on!" I was panicked and was torn between helping him and finding Bella. Then I heard Bella's screaming.

"Her pain, it's so much. It's too much! How can she stand-," he gasped as a fresh wave of pain overtook him. "Help her, go. I can't make it any further."

I whirled and made a mad dash for Bella. I could see her house and pushed myself. I called her name as I climbed my way up to her window. When I made it into her bedroom I saw her curled up beside her window. I could see the pills had already taken effect and bent down to pick her up. She whispered my name before she lost consciousness.

I grasped her in a strong hold and dashed out to the street below. I ran to the forest on the side of the road and went as fast as I could to make it to the hospital. On the way I called the hospital and told them to be ready with a gurney. I knew it might seem suspicious if I ran up holding Bella so I decided to hot wire a car and drive the rest of the way.

Luckily it only took a minute and only another few to make it the rest of the way to the hospital. When I got there they immediately rushed her into the emergency room and back into an exam room. I knew she would be okay now. The visions I had were bleak, but at least she was still alive.

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	10. Sharing Pain

**Jasper's POV**

Not long after Alice left me the pain subsided. I hoped that it meant that Bella was only unconscious instead of the alternative. I was completely surprised at the depth of the pain that had hit me. I had never felt that emotion in my entire existence. It was worse than any physical pain and seemed to radiate through my entire being, leaving me temporarily incapacitated.

If this was what Bella was feeling I didn't know how she could have lasted as long as she did. Taking my life probably would have been the first thing on my mind, which makes her decision understandable. If an indestructible being such as me can't handle the pain, how could a human bear it? This just reinforced my thoughts on how strong Bella was.

As I made my way to the hospital, I steeled myself for the onslaught of feelings that would hit me. After Bella, any emotion, no matter how sad or depressing, would be like a walk in the park. Now all I had to worry about was the blood.

**Alice's POV**

Finally Jasper showed up. I knew that Bella would be okay now, but I needed this emotional support for what came after. Bella was going to be so mad at me for saving her. I couldn't figure out how to get her to keep herself safe. I knew that this wouldn't prevent her from attempting to take her life again. How was I going to save her?

A few hours later, Bella woke up. Carlisle informed us that it would probably be best if she didn't see us yet. He thought that when Bella saw him she would have a pretty hard time coping. My vision confirmed just that. And my visions also told me that Jasper should get some distance between Bella and himself.

We walked to the stand of trees that surrounded the hospital to wait. I saw Bella waking up and with it Jasper writhing in pain. Before I could warn him, the vision came to fruition.

Jasper curled himself into a ball, as if trying to hold himself together. Then all of sudden jolt of seemingly more intense pain rolled through him and he struggled to hold in a scream. I sat next to him wishing I could help him, while trying to remain calm to lessen his pain. As it was I could feel waves of pain flowing from him. It was enough to tighten my chest and that was only a fraction of what he must have been feeling. But I tried my best not to examine that for fear I would put my love through more torture with my feelings.

Sobs that had been vibrating through him began to calm and he slowly became more alert. Finally he was collected enough to get to his feet. He still looked shaken and his golden eyes had turned to an inky black. It was that indicator that showed me just how much pain Bella had emitted. It was also that which told me that we needed to hunt.

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	11. Urgent Search

**Alice's POV**

We hunted as quickly as we could and arrived back at the hospital just a few minutes before Bella awoke. I sat by her side while Jasper waited just outside her window in an attempt to control her pain. It was taking all of his concentration to stay focused on only her emotions and stay in control at the same time.

Bella was turned away from me but I could tell she had slowly woken up. Her body tensed and I was waiting for her to realize I was in the room. Her body began to shake and I prayed that Jasper would be able to calm her down. I saw her body relax and abruptly turn towards me. A look of surprise crossed her features before she broke into sobs.

I was about to get up and comfort her when, all of a sudden, she seemed to snap.

"Why!? Alice how could you do this to me? Why couldn't you just leave me alone? I can't take this. What am I going to do? You stole my chance to be free. I can't take this anymore. Don't you understand!? Why? Why!? WHY!?"

Each word was like a stab to my heart and I wished that I could make her realize how much we loved her. I had a vision of Jasper fleeing from the hospital before Bella began to cry out in pain. I hated seeing her like this. It wasn't right. She was supposed to smile and beg me not to take her shopping, not be the broken shell of what she had once been. Anger started to mix with my hurt. She turned to look in my eyes and I saw pain that seemed to stretch for miles. Edward did this. It was his fault, and I would make him see what he's done her.

We were running as fast as we could to get to Edward. He had nearly destroyed Bella and I wouldn't let him sit idly by. I knew Jasper would take a beating with Edward's emotions, but Jasper refused to let Bella stay in her condition. He knew the way she was feeling. He also knew that if something didn't change she wouldn't survive.

We didn't know Edward's exact location, but through my visions I could get glimpses of signs and landmarks. The main problem would be finding the hole that Edward had burrowed his self into. We'd have to find a dark place with very few people around. Not very hard in the rainforest infested part of the continent where he had relocated his self to.

As we neared where he had hidden himself I got a vision.

I was sitting in the room with Edward. He looked beyond miserable, almost identical to Bella. He was dry sobbing and then he tore out of the room. As much as Jasper and I searched we couldn't find him.

I didn't know how to fix this. He had to go to Bella. If he didn't she would try to kill herself again and I couldn't stop her forever. What was it about my being there that would send him over the edge? Bella, that's it. I had seen her, but Jasper hadn't. He had only felt her emotions. I realized that for this to work, if I wanted to save Bella, I would have to hold back and let Jasper handle this.

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	12. Teaching a Lesson

**Jasper's POV**

Alice had told me of her vision and that she wouldn't be able to help Bella if she went to Edward. I didn't like being separated from Alice, especially since I didn't know if I could convince Edward to listen to reason. I knew that if I couldn't get him to come back Bella wouldn't survive. The emotions she was feeling were way too intense for anyone, human or vampire, to handle.

Alice had given me some direction on where to find Edward and I could smell his scent on some of the surroundings. It wouldn't be too long now. As I neared him, I tried to block my thoughts of everything but finding him. I didn't want to scare him off by thinking of Bella.

I knew I wasn't off when I began to feel severe pain, longing, and immeasurable suffering. I steeled myself for the emotions to get more intense. They were similar to what Bella had been feeling, but Edward's weren't nearly as powerful. His didn't know my off my feet.

As I ran up the stairs of the hellhole he had decided to inhabit I could feel annoyance adding to his other emotions. He knew I was here. Well at least he hadn't run away yet. Maybe it wouldn't be a completely helpless mission.

I walked into his room and yet again had to strengthen my resolve. If it wasn't an emergency I don't think I could have been able to put myself through this. I tried to block my thoughts as much as possible. I didn't want to scare him off before I had a chance to explain the situation to him.

He was sitting on a pathetic excuse for a bed and his eyes looked a bit hollow. He definitely needed to hunt and shower before he could be exposed to anyone. He would also need some new clothes. Wearing only a few sets of clothes for months hadn't left them in that great of shape.

"What are you doing here Jasper?" he said in an almost dead voice. I could sense a bit of annoyance and irritation mixed in too, so he wasn't completely lost.

"We need you to help us Edward. There has been an incident and you're the only one who can fix this."

I tried to keep my mind blank but Bella's face flashed through my mind. I saw him wince and felt the shot of pain that jolted him. I tried sending some relief to his pain, but that only made him angrier.

"Jasper, just tell me what the problem is. I'm sure you guys can handle whatever the problem is. If this just some kind of trick to get me to join back with the family, it won't work. I can't go back. It hurts too much."

"I know Edward. Don't forget that I can feel what you do. I wouldn't try to do that to you. I wouldn't do that to myself. I don't think I could handle being around you for long periods of time."

He gave a dark chuckle and attempted a half hearted smile, but it couldn't break through the pain.

"Jasper, I'm sorry for what I'm putting you through. I wish there was another way, but there really isn't," he said in a very desperate tone.

"Actually there is Edward. You may not want to face that choice, but you don't really have a choice. Not at this point."

I still hadn't unblocked my thoughts from him and I could feel his anger rising. He still thought that this was about us not wanting to see him in pain. If only that was it.

"What do you mean 'if only that was it'? What other reason could there be?"

I cursed myself for not blocking my thoughts better. Well I would have to tell him eventually anyway and we didn't have a lot of time. I knew what I was about to tell him would hurt him, but there wasn't a way around it.

"Bella," he flinched and tried to ignore what I was saying, "is having some trouble. Alice and I almost didn't make it in time."

At those words he almost tore my head off. His anger skyrocketed and his outburst seemed to channel all of it at me.

"What!? I specifically told every single one of you that you weren't to see her again. You all even promised me that you would respect my wishes. What the hell is wrong with you? Did you even listen to a word I said!?"

His anger was fueling my own and as hard as I tried I couldn't seem to keep it in check. He didn't know what was going on, I knew that, but I told him Bella was in trouble and all he could do was rip into me. What was wrong with me? What was wrong with him!?

"We all heard you Edward! And you know what? If you weren't being a complete ass then maybe you would know what was going on. Maybe you could see that your actions aren't just hurting you!"

His rage was mixing with mine. His for the fact that he needed an outlet for all of his pain, mine because I wanted him to smarten up and fix the problem that he created.

"Oh, I see, so whatever problem you guys have caused is my fault? Yeah right. I don't see how I could have caused it this time. I haven't been around for months. How is it my fault? Why don't you enlighten me!" he said in a dark, sarcastic tone.

I was beyond furious that he couldn't see reason and his rage and pain pushed me over the edge. I gathered together the pain, hopelessness, and all the other emotions Bella had been feeling and sent it all at him full force. He sunk to his knees just as I began to yell at him.

"The problem we created! No, the problem you created! You feel that Edward? Do you want to know where I felt these feelings? Do you want to know who felt this before she tried to kill herself? Do you want to know who we barely made it in time to save? Do you want to know who is lying in a hospital bed suffering through this unbearable pain because of you?"At this point Edward was writhing on the ground moaning and the sight was dulling my anger towards him. My voice got softer but was still just as hard as I told him what I'm sure he had already figured out.

"Bella, Edward. Bella is the one who tried kill herself. Bella is the one who felt this pain when she swallowed all of those pills. She is the one who is lying in the hospital still feeling this pain. She is the one still contemplating how to off herself. Yeah, you haven't been around for months, and that is the exact reason why all of this is happening."

I had begun lessening the pain throughout the time I was talking and now I cut it all off from him. I waited for him to say something. His emotions seemed to be changing to those of regret, pain, and anger. The anger puzzled me a little. Why would he be angry at Bella?

"She promised me that she wouldn't do anything reckless or stupid. I'd say that this constitutes as both," he said as he gave a dark chuckle.

"Edward, we don't have a lot of time here. We may have stopped her once, but we can't hold her off forever. Alice has seen her trying to make a decision on how and when to try again."

His pain increased exponentially.

"Why would she do this? I left to help her. She is supposed to be living a normal life. She is supposed to be happy!"

"Edward, you felt what she was feeling. Both you and I weren't able to handle it enough to even stand, and we're vampires. Tell me, would you have been able to survive it. Wouldn't you have tried to take your life if you saw no way of escaping it?"

He didn't answer, but we both knew I was right. We both also knew that he had to go back. I knew at this point he wouldn't fight us, so I called Alice. He and I hunted while she went to buy him some suitable clothing. After we had everything ready we began our journey back to Forks.

**Please review.**


	13. Gazing Upon Devastation

**Esme's POV**

I couldn't believe what Bella was suffering through. She was in so much emotional pain that it was literally causing physical pain. I'd never seen something so heartbreaking in my existence. And as I gazed upon this pain's devastation I almost cried out from the sight of it.

My daughter, because that's what she is, tried to take her life. It reminded me of my attempt to end my life. I knew the pain that would lead to measures this drastic, but this seemed different. She seemed like she had already died. The part of her that everyone loved was gone. Edward had stolen it from her when he left.

I just hoped that Alice and Jasper would find Edward and make him see reason. If they didn't I don't think Bella would ever survive. Even now I can see the pain rippling through her body and the look of desperation in her eyes. The look that told me that Bella was contemplating her situation and if I wasn't careful she might not make it out alive.

**Bella's POV**

I can't take this. It's too much. The pain is tearing me apart. It's burning me from the inside out. I can't breathe. I just want to die. Why don't they understand? Can't they see what it's doing to me?

I can't just lie here anymore. I have to find some way to end this pain. I have to stop it. I'm in a hospital too. There has to be a million different options. I only need to find one.

**Alice's POV**

I was suddenly struck with visions of Bella taking her life. I tried to head them off before Edward noticed, but I was too late. I heard Edward cry out, but he stayed on his feet. Jasper stumbled as Edward's emotions bombarded him, but he kept going.

I pulled out my cell and dialed Carlisle's number. When he finally answered I tried my best to warn him of Bella's actions.

"Carlisle, I don't care what you have to do. Strap her down, put her in an isolated room, whatever, just make sure she isn't able to be by herself."

Carlisle heeded my warning and I could see Bella sitting in a room by herself. It almost looked like a room you would see in a psychiatric hospital. She looked like she was in the same condition, but at least she wouldn't be able to try anything again.

**Sorry about the POV changes. Hope I didn't make you dizzy, lol. Please review.**


	14. Necessary Betrayal

**Bella's POV**

I couldn't take it any longer. I managed to pull myself out of bed and stagger to the bathroom. As I shut the door I searched for anything that could help me carry my plan out. My frustration was building with the lack of supplies. What the heck can a person do with just a toothbrush, shampoo, and washcloth? Get really clean? Dammit!

I looked up and my solution was staring me straight in the face. The mirror. I just had to find a way to break it and then I could use the shards. I couldn't find anything so I decided to wrap my hand in the washcloth and hit the mirror. I really hoped that the mirror wasn't shatter resistant.

As I threw my hand against the mirror it cracked. It didn't shatter as well as I would have liked, but I managed to prise a piece off of the wall. I sat down on the toilet and held the shard of glass to my wrist. I didn't know how I was going to carry this out, I'll probably end up passing out as soon as I press down. I knew I didn't have time to waste worrying so I pressed the piece down.

"Bella, sweetie," Esme said from the other side of the door.

She didn't give me a chance to respond before she opened the door. When she saw the mess I'd made and the position I was in, she gasped. I felt bad for making Esme upset, but I just wanted a way out. Luckily I hadn't broken through the skin before she knocked or my blood would have made this harder on her. I slowly released the piece of mirror and sunk to the floor.

Esme looked so sad and once again it was my fault. I couldn't bear to look at her face any longer, so I moved to go lay back down. Before I knew it she had pulled me into her arms. Through the pain I could feel her love surrounding me. My pain and the she was radiating were warring and I felt like I was being torn apart and healed at the same time. The feeling left me gasping, and before my legs had the chance to give out, Esme picked me up and set me back on my bed. She sat by the side of the bed and held my hands in hers. I almost removed then because of who they reminded me of, but I didn't want to lose these new feelings. I was so tired of only feeling pain, that the new feeling was a welcome relief for the moment.

We sat there for what seemed like hours. She didn't say anything, instead just offered her comfort. I didn't know when the tears started, but I couldn't seem to stop them. It felt like a release. Not enough of one to free me totally from the pain, but enough to make it bearable for just a little while. I knew that I would still make my attempt, but for now I wanted just a little bit more time with Esme. I felt like she love me unconditionally. Just like a mother. And for this small amount of time I could pretend she was just that, my mother.

**Esme's POV**

I tried to let her feel all of my love and comfort. I wanted to take away as much of the pain as I could. I knew it wouldn't change anything. She would still do what she was determined to, but at least I could hold her off for a little while.

I heard Carlisle in the hall. Instead of interrupting us he spoke to me from outside the door, "We're going to move her to another room. One that is more isolated. Alice called and warned that Bella shouldn't be allowed on her own."

"I agree. That would be best," I spoke softly so as not to disturb the peace Bella had acquired.

**Bella's POV**

How can they do this to me? Sure I wanted to be left alone, but this was definitely not what I had in mind. I couldn't stop the pain. I was stuck here to ride it out until it consumed me. And at that thought the hole in my chest rippled and I clutched my torso trying to keep myself together. Again I wondered: how could they do this to me?

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	15. Misconceptions

**Esme's POV**

I stood at the door to Bella's room looking through it's tiny window. It didn't seem right to lock her up, but if the alternative was her death, I would gladly take this. She looked so sad and defenseless curled up in the corner of the small room. It's still so hard to watch her endure this torture.

I decided to enter the room and see if I could ease some of her pain for just a little while. She didn't acknowledge me, but I knew that she felt my presence. I sat down beside her, wrapping my arms around her. I felt her tense and then go limp. It was as though she had given up trying to protest other's wishes. And that is probably what she had done.

We sat for a long while in complete silence so it startled me when she spoke."Esme, I'm sorry. I know everyone just wanted to move on with their lives and I'm preventing that."

"Bella, how could we ever move on without you? You are like a daughter to me, and it will always be that way. You shouldn't be apologizing, we should. If we hadn't have left, then none of this would be happening."

"No, I should be stronger than this. I always knew I wasn't good enough for him. I don't know how I fooled myself into believing that I was for so long. How could he ever love me? I'm just a plain, normal human. I could never be enough for him."

"Oh Bella, don't say that. Don't ever say that."

I rocked Bella back and forth trying to soothe her. I couldn't believe what Edward had done to her. His lies had deformed her thoughts and made her think she was less that he deserved. I love Edward very much, but if anything he wasn't good enough for her. Bella brought me out of my thoughts with some of the most heartbreaking words I've ever heard.

"I'm sorry. If I wouldn't have been around, then I wouldn't have forced you out of Forks. I am the reason everyone had to drop everything and come running, because I can't just suck it up. Stupid messed up Bella ruins everything, I'm so sorry I wasn't good enough for him. I'll never be good enough. I'll never-," she was cut off as a sob ripped from her chest.

I didn't know how much more of this I could take. I could tell she really believed what she was saying and it broke my heart. I wished Edward would get here soon. He needed to right this wrong, and if he didn't there would definitely be hell to pay. He couldn't think he could do this to my daughter and then just walk away.

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	16. Pain, Rush, Hesitation

**Edward's POV**

We were nearing the hospital and I could begin to hear the rest of my families' 'voices'. I could tell from Jasper's mind that they were all sad, angry and hopeful. I could understand all of them and wasn't extremely excited to face up to the anger. But as fearful as I was, there was no way I was going to leave Bella in such a mess.

We were nearing the front of the hospital when I heard Bella's voice. It seemed so dead and lifeless, but didn't break my heart nearly as much as what she said next.

"I'm sorry. If I wouldn't have been around, then I wouldn't have forced you out of Forks. I am the reason everyone had to drop everything and come running, because I can't just suck it up. Stupid messed up Bella ruins everything, I'm so sorry I wasn't good enough for him. I'll never be good enough. I'll never-," I heard her break off when she started to cry.

The pain that resonated through my chest at her admission almost made me collapse. What had I done to her? My angel, my beautiful, perfect angel was hurting because of me. I pushed myself harder and finally made it through the doors of the hospital. I headed towards the stairs instead of the elevator so that I could get there faster.

Using my family member's minds to navigate myself I finally made it to Bella's hallway. Once there I froze. What was I supposed to do? What if she never forgave me? I'm the reason she's like this. I had no right to treat her so and don't deserve to have her back.

Just as I was contemplating turning tail, Esme walked out of Bella's room. When she saw me, the look in her eyes was that of a mother bear protecting her cub. I knew that she was happy that I was here, but she was also angry with me for leaving in the first place. She didn't say a word, but her mind was silently admonishing me. She saw my apology in my eyes and hugged me before leading me to the door to Bella's room.

I waited for Esme to open the door and prayed that Bella would be able to forgive me. I knew I wasn't worthy of her love, but I wanted it. I wanted her more than anything in the world. I just hoped she wouldn't tell me to go straight to hell, because that's exactly where I would be if she didn't accept me back.

**Please review.**


	17. Mysterious Actions

**Bella's POV**

"Bella, you have a visitor," I heard Esme's gentle voice say.

"I don't really want to talk to anyone right now, Esme," I heard my scratchy voice push out.

I knew it was probably just Alice. I didn't want to see her right now. I had never seen her so much as from before and now she looked like someone had died. Which isn't too far from what it feels like I am; dead. Now I just had to somehow make it a reality. Not an easy feat when you're being watched by vampires, seeing as they don't sleep and all.

"Bella?" I heard the silkiest and most beautiful voice say, a familiar voice at that.

My heart stopped. I couldn't believe what I had just heard. I turned my head so fast that my head spun. When my vision stabilized I was met with the most beautiful sight I could ever imagine: Edward. This time when I said his name my chest didn't so much as rippled with pain. Instead it felt like the hole that had nearly destroyed me had been completely sealed. My heart soared and then began to beat a million miles a minute. I felt free.

Then, in the next moment, everything came crashing down. I suddenly realized that I had gotten way ahead of myself in the past few seconds. He didn't love me. He had point blank told me so. He had no obligations to me and was probably only here to assuage his family's concerns. That, and berate me for breaking my promise to him. A promise that I still intended to break once he had left again.

Thinking of him leaving sent a jolt through me and I had to clench my jaw to keep from crying out. I had to push these thoughts to the back of my mind and focus on the present. Like how Edward was staring at me with wide concerned eyes. I could also see a bit of nervousness behind the concern. I wondered why he would be either of the two. I wasn't his problem so it shouldn't matter what I did, and I couldn't find a logical reason for his nervousness.

I hadn't realized that I had started to cry until my vision began to blur and I had to blink a few times before I could see clearly again. I was so angry at myself for breaking down. Why couldn't I be stronger? That's probably one of the reasons Edward left in the first place; I'm too weak.

I reached my hands up to quickly dash away the tears. Before my arm got even halfway to my face I felt a colder, smoother hand brush the tears away. I didn't have to look up to know whose hand it was. His touch made my breath catch in my throat. The electricity that arced from Edward's hand to my face had my heart racing a mile a minute.

His actions were a complete mystery to me, but for now I didn't care. I wanted everything, all the pain and suffering, to just fade away. I just wanted him to stay right here, stroking my face, forever.

As soon as that thought crossed my mind, I quickly pushed it away. The more I entertained the idea of Edward staying the worse it would be when he left. And he would leave. No matter how much I tried to fool myself into believing otherwise, it just wasn't a possibility.

I pushed Edward's hand away from my face. A look of hurt flashed in his eyes before his control was back in place. Why he would be hurt was just another mystery to add to the list.

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	18. Forgiveness

**Edward's POV**

When Bella pushed my hand away, I couldn't control the look of hurt that shot across my face. Was this a sign that she didn't want me around? I knew that I'd go along with whatever she wanted, but I desperately wished that she wouldn't tell me to leave.

"Why are you here Edward?" he thick voice spoke from trembling lips.

_Why was I here?_ I was here for her, of course. Or did she mean that I wasn't welcome here and my presence was unpleasant? I could understand. After all I'd put her through, I didn't deserve to be anywhere near her. Maybe she was just waiting for me to realize that fact.

"I'm sorry. I should have known that you wouldn't have wanted me here. I-I'll leave you alone now."

I hung my head and turned to leave, but felt Bella's hand grip my arm. My head snapped to her face in question.

"What are you talking about? You are the one who doesn't want to be here. You don't love me anymore, so why would you want to hang around any longer. I really am sorry that Alice has caused you so much trouble, she should have just left me alone. I'm also sorry that I didn't keep my promise to you, but I'm just not as strong as you are. I can't just get over you, my heart feels like it is physically being torn from my body all the time. And I don't want you guys to think you are responsible for me. I can make my own decisions and I don't want you keeping me from doing just that. So, stop pitying me. I don't want to be a burden anymore," before she had gotten even half through she had began to sob.

I looked at her dumbfounded at the nonsense she was speaking, and then angry at myself for not realizing that she still believed the lie I had fed her. I worked quickly to dispel those thoughts.

"Oh Bella, my sweet, unseeing angel," I said while gathering her into my arms, "I lied to you in the woods. When I told you that I didn't want you, it was the blackest kind of blasphemy. I love you more that I could ever express. I thought that you would have a better life, a safer life, if I wasn't in it. I didn't expect you to resort to these measures, I thought you would move on and have a normal life. I am so sorry for putting you through all of this, I didn'-," I was cut off by Bella's lips pressing into mine.

The feel of her lips on mine was heaven. My heart felt whole again and I couldn't keep myself from holding Bella to me. Her warmth seeped into me, adding to the warm feelings that were already manifesting themselves through my body. Bella started to pull away from me, so I loosened my hold and leaned my forehead against hers.

She tried to catch her breath before she spoke, "Edward, when have I ever been normal? How could you believe that I cared so little for you that I would just move onto the next guy as soon as you were gone? I love you and only you. You are my heart and soul. I never want to be without you again."

"And you won't be my love. I will always be with you. Please forgive me, I am more sorry than you can imagine," I pleaded to her with desperate eyes.

"Of course I forgive you. I won't pretend that I am not still angry with your decision, or tell you that I believe that you won't try this again. I just can't trust it yet."

"I know. It was such a mistake, and I'll have to handle the consequences. But I will gain your trust back. I've got all the time in the world, and I will make you believe in me again. As long as you are in my life, I can manage the rest," I promised her.

"There is no other place I would rather be than right by your side."

**Please review.**


	19. Epilogue

**I know it took a long time to get to this point, and I'm really sorry for that. When you've got writer's block it's hard to overcome. But I made myself sit down and finish it, and that's just what happened. Thank you to everyone who has reviewed, and took the time to read this. :)**

**Epilogue**

"Edward, do you know which color you prefer for the place settings? Cream or Ivory? I mean, there is a really big difference so I think I need your expertise," Bella said, amusement sparkling in her eyes.

"I don't know, love. If we pick the wrong one it could ruin the whole wedding. I just can't handle the pressure. That's it, wedding's off. Let's just head to Vegas and be done with it," I replied, equally joking.

"That is so not funny, you two. You know what, if you aren't going to be serious about this, then I won't let you help plan," Alice huffed.

"Sounds good to me, what about you Edward?"

"I'm not much for the planning process. I am straight after all. Maybe you could ask Emmett to help you," I burst out laughing when I heard Emmett's cry of indignation.

"Why do I even bother? I'm taking over and you two can just deal with whatever you get," she called while stalking away.

"What's the point of picking stuff when you know what we'll like anyway? Just don't go overboard and we should be fine. But remember, I always have the Vegas option and I'm not afraid to use it," Bella yelled to Alice through her laughs.

Bella swung her legs up to my lap as she settled more comfortably on the couch. Her eyes were still bright with laughter and I felt so lucky that I had her back in my life. I rubbed her feet as I became lost in my thoughts.

The wedding was only weeks away. We were going to be married just a week after graduation. I had proposed at Christmas after a lot of anger from Charlie and apprehension from Bella. She had finally made Charlie understand her point of view and it helped that we had been able to hide her little breakdown from Charlie. Alice really worked some magic with that whole incident. I'm positive that Charlie would have tried to shoot me had he known about any of it.

Bella had made a case to my family and, much to my dismay, she had made sure that she would be turned before her twentieth birthday. She refused to let me remain a teenager while she grew older. I complied, seeing as my family gave me no other choice.

I told her that if she insisted on being changed, then I wanted us to get married. Most of her objections were quelled when I told her how much it meant to me to be bound to her in the eyes of God. I knew she wasn't religious, but I still had the same values and I couldn't just throw them away. Plus I argued that it would give her father some closure knowing that she was going to be taken care of. After that little point she hadn't objected were to get married, have our honeymoon, and then we were moving all of our stuff up to Alaska. Charlie believed we were going to college there, but really Bella would become one of us on the eve of her nineteenth birthday. I was still severely against her becoming one of us, but since the choice was out of my hands, I had started to look forward to what life would be like. I would never have to be without her, and once she was over the bloodlust we could travel all over the world.

I never knew how much someone could change me so completely, but Bella had managed to do just that. My chest didn't feel cold and hollow anymore, I felt alive and so loved that it seemed like I would burst if it grew any more.

I glanced to Bella's face and she looked to be enjoying my nice foot rub if her soft smile indicated anything.

"I love you, Bella. Forever."

She looked up to me and smiled wider.

"I love you, too. Forever and always. Especially if you promise to massage my feet daily," she finished with a giggle.

I leaned over her and gave her a gentle kiss.

"As you wish, my love."

**A.N. I thought a nice Princess Bride quote would wrap everything up quite nicely.**


	20. AN: Thanks and Acknowledgements

**So I really wanted to thank everyone who took the time to read this story. Personally, I know I could have done better, but this was a good starter story. I have several other stories that I'm working on, but I refuse to start posting until they are finished. I know that it was really disappointing to be reading this story and have to wait so very long for an update. I know I got really busy, but that's no excuse.**

**The chapters were quite short, which I apologize for. That was just how the story came out, but in the future my stories will have longer chapters. There may be fewer chapters, but the quality should be better.**

**I also wanted to take the time to thank the people who gave me encouragement while I was writing. A couple of people were very faithful reviewers: gaap237, dumbface, ginafan, MickeyandMinnie, bookishqua, latuacantante4him, and halesgirl101. ClareQ857 left me a very kind review and I thank her for that. Also Lost and Never Found, Princess Cupcake, EC4me, Purple Is Hot (periods between the words), Torque Animadverto, and Anima Bella. Thank you all for letting me know what you liked and for the encouragement. It was greatly appreciated.**

**So this story is finished. I don't plan on making a sequel, but you don't always plan things like that. Mostly I'm focused on my other writings. I've got other stories that I'm really excited about, and hopefully it won't be an extremely long time until they are complete. I hope you are able to join me when they are posted. So keep me on your alert list and you'll know when something new is up.**

**Also, bookishqua had a suggestion that I should add a part where Bella gets help for her issues. I wasn't able to add it into the story, because I just wanted to wrap everything up so you guys could have an ending. I wanted to add that if anyone starts to feel like this in any way, they should seek help. Suicide is a very serious issue, not to be taken lightly. I've had personal contact with these feelings, and with family members experiencing such feelings, so much so they attempted it. When you have these feelings, you aren't thinking of others, but it doesn't affect only you. There is always another option and I hope that you are able to find it. Don't wait. And if a friend is considering it, make sure that you tell someone who is in a position to help. They may hate you for it, but at least they'll be around to feel anything towards you.**

**Thanks, everyone. God Bless!**

**-Christine**


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